


but in my head you say you still want it

by whatthehelena



Category: Free!
Genre: M/M, Mutual Pining, bitter exes that argue domestically at the mere sight of each other, pov switches whenever i get bored
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-24
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2019-11-04 18:30:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17903318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whatthehelena/pseuds/whatthehelena
Summary: “I don’t even know how you two dated,” Rin says over vidcall one day. “Didn’t you hate each other immediately on sight?”“We were two dumb horny teenagers in high school that couldn’t tell the difference between regular frustration or sexual frustration with someone,” replies Sousuke. “And it wasn’t really dating. We were never boyfriend and boyfriend.”Rin snorts. “Sounds to me like the only difference is that now you’re both out of high school.”Sousuke doesn’t even feel bad hanging up the call.In which Haru and Sousuke are exes (that aren't /really/ exes) that somehow, despite everything, end up back in each other's lives.





	1. but if we tried again, would it all just be the same?

The thing about dating Haruka Nanase for as long as he did (which wasn’t very long to begin with) is that Sousuke has gotten very good at differentiating between Haru’s varying deadpan expressions.

Right now, Haruka Nanase is standing in front of him, in the flesh, with an annoyed deadpan expression and a bag full of groceries. They’re both standing in front of Sousuke’s new apartment building. And what apparently, is also Haru’s apartment building.

“What’re you doing here?” he asks in lieu of greeting.

“Good to see you too, sweetheart,” Sousuke responds sarcastically.

Haru rolls his eyes and waits for Sousuke to explain himself even though Sousuke does not, has not, and never will owe Haru an explanation. Or anything more than an explanation, for that matter.

With a sigh, Sousuke shakes his key ring. “I live here. This is my apartment building.”

Unflinching, Haru doesn’t back down and stares at him with a whole lot of almost unreadable contempt for someone that’s only 177cm.

“I lived here first,” he says plainly, as if that means anything.

Sousuke narrows his eyes. “Well, I’m not moving out so you’re just gonna have to deal with it.”

“I know. I just wanted to point that out,” Haru says, not once changing the inflection in his voice. Without even another glance in Sousuke’s direction, he makes his way up the stairs.

It wasn’t even Sousuke’s second day in Tokyo and the city was already showing him zero kindness.

-

RIN

Today 9:39pm

So you’re neighbors now

Yup

That means he’s really close by if you ever want to make out with him

Just putting that out there

In case you know, you ever want to make out with him

Again

Maybe even more than that, if you want!

I hope you find a giant spider in your shower today

And everyday

-

“I don’t even know how you two dated,” Rin says over vidcall one day. “Didn’t you hate each other immediately on sight?”

“We were two dumb horny teenagers in high school that couldn’t tell the difference between regular frustration or sexual frustration with someone,” replies Sousuke. “And it wasn’t really dating. We were never boyfriend and boyfriend.”

Rin snorts. “Sounds to me like the only difference is that now you’re both out of high school.”

Sousuke doesn’t even feel bad hanging up the call.

-

Let the record show that Sousuke has never had any beef with Makoto Tachibana, even though for a brief(-ish) period of time, Sousuke was kind-of, sort-of dating his lifelong best friend, Haruka Nanase. And let the record show that Haruka Nanase is a pain to deal with. Even if he has a face that looks like how classical music sounds.

To Makoto’s credit, he always greets Sousuke kindly and without malice. Sousuke’s never had a problem with Makoto, nor is he in a position to fault people for their choice in best friends, given that his best friend is Rin.

Makoto and Sousuke even have each other’s phone numbers. Well, they swapped numbers. Sousuke didn’t know if Makoto deleted his number in the time between high school ending and Makoto and Haru moving to Tokyo a full year before Sousuke moved there. And not that it matters, but Sousuke technically still has Makoto’s number in his phone from all those years ago. He’s just never gotten around to deleting it, that’s all. He doesn’t delete anyone’s number, technically. Not even Haru’s.

So when Makoto texts Sousuke out of the blue with lots of unassuming smiley faces, he’s thrown for a loop. The messages are innocuous enough, something about how Makoto “heard Sousuke is living in Tokyo now!” and that he “is always welcome to join us for dinner!” The “us” in question being Makoto, Asahi (who?), Kisumi (ugh), and Haru (double ugh).

Sousuke makes it a point to have read receipts on to let Rin know when he’s ignoring him but he purposely only reads the previews of Makoto’s messages. He would feel bad leaving Makoto on read and metaphorically breaking his heart, after all.

Which makes turning him down all the more difficult.

-

“To answer your question,” Rin says as he starts another one of this many, many long winded tangents while they vidcall. Sousuke can see Rin is lying in his bed with that one black tank top he always wears. Seriously, does he ever wash that thing? Or does he just own multiples? Even after living with him for a year, Sousuke still didn’t know.

Sousuke strongly considers just hanging up right then and there but holds off, despite his better judgement. “I never asked you a question.”

“No, I don’t think it was weird my two best friends from different schools had this romantic tension going on where they both clearly liked each other but didn’t know what to do with their feelings so they just made out and sniped at each other,” continues Rin, blatantly ignoring whatever Sousuke just said. “And you and Haru know better than to let whatever you had going on between you two get in the way with my friendships with the both of you. So I don’t really care. I just wish you’d be a little more honest with yourselves because in some twisted cosmic kinda way, you two might be good for one another if you gave it a real shot. That’s all.”

“All I said,” Sousuke said, after unmuting Rin, “is that Makoto texted me an invite to dinner and that I don’t know how to turn him down gently.”

“You better eat dinner with everyone. You have no reason to say no, considering you have no friends out there and you haven’t started school yet.”

“I’ve got plenty of reasons to say no, considering that these are your friends,” Sousuke replies, rubbing his temples.

“They’re good people, Sousuke. You spend enough time by yourself,” and Rin’s got this expression on his face that’s a mix of concern and sadness. Sousuke couldn’t stand it when they were kids and he can’t stand it now.

“I’ll think about it.”

-

Sousuke can’t exactly pinpoint where his life went so wrong.

Maybe it started when he figured he had bummed around at his relative’s house enough and wanted to go back to school for sports medicine? Was it when he decided to move to Tokyo for school and picked the first decently sized and priced apartment he could find? Or maybe it was when he decided he didn’t want to go to the actual grocery store that was a 15 minute walk away so he settled for the conbini down the street from his apartment building for dinner.

The building where Haruka Nanase, his ex that wasn’t his ex but was still kind of his ex, also lives. Coincidentally. Through some kind of divine punishment, he’s sure.

And somehow, through some kind of weird butterfly-flapping-its-wings-chain-reaction of events, Sousuke and Haru end up at the conbini near their apartment building on a Tuesday evening, at opposite ends of the snacks aisle.

Sousuke had every intention of walking through the aisle with his cup noodles and pointedly ignoring Haru, until he sees Haru eyeing Sousuke with a bored curiosity. And because he never stopped being a pre-teen boy that goads his crush into interacting with him, he tilts his head and quirks an eyebrow.

“Is there something I can help you with, Nanase?” asks Sousuke because he was a grown man and it was no one else’s business if he was eating cup noodles. Yes, this is his dinner, he would retort in a hypothetical argument, should this interaction come to that. And what about it?

“Have we met before?” is all Haru asks, in the comical deadpan way he does whenever he makes a joke. Sousuke remembers that expression very well.

It takes everything Sousuke has in his power not to shoot back “yes actually, we have met before. In fact, we’ve met any times, often at your house or behind my dorm building, and often with my tongue two inches down your throat.”

But instead, Sousuke maturely chooses not to say anything as he shoots Haru a look before paying for his dinner of champions.

He’d have half a mind to change apartments if he wasn’t locked into the lease for a year.

-

Sousuke doesn’t know what comes over him when he checks the messages Makoto sent three days ago.

Is it boredom? It is it loneliness after all? Sousuke’s never been one for having dozens of friends but he likes having SOME human contact, after all. Or maybe it’s because Sousuke doesn’t want to leave Makoto hanging.

Yeah, that’s it.

That’s all it is. He sighs and hopes that wherever he is in Australia, Rin is proud of him.

-

MAKOTO

TODAY 6:50PM

Hey Makoto. Sorry for the late reply. When are you all free?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you for reading. This fic takes place a couple months after the end of Dive to the Future, with some tweaks to canon here and there, although it's mostly canon compliant. 
> 
> Fic title: You and I by Leon  
> Ch title: 66 Days by Rozzi


	2. you and i were fireworks that went off too soon / and i miss you in the june gloom too

From the bottom of his heart, Sousuke really, truly did not mean to becoming running buddies with Haru. Actually, the term “running buddies” was a stretch. It’s more like “our schedules happen to sync up so we both run every morning at 7am and we live near each other so we run around the same park.” It’s all coincidence, really.

On this particular morning, Sousuke’s running just slightly ahead of Haru around the lake. They’d be next to each other if Haru was running the same pace as him.

And despite his better judgement, Sousuke turns his head around with the express purpose of egging Haru on. “Stop following me, Nanase.”

Sweat glistening on his stupid perfect forehead, Haru glances in Sousuke’s general direction with the same usual expression of contempt that he seems to reserve just for Sousuke.

“Believe me, Yamazaki, I stopped chasing after you years ago,” replies Haru before he quickens his pace and leaves Sousuke in the literal and metaphorical dust.

Sousuke stops dead in his tracks to watch Haru run before he decides to just call it a day and go home.

-

_“I’m moving to Tokyo next week,” Haru interrupts Sousuke’s reverie while they’re lounging around Haru’s house on the rare day they have with nowhere to be and nothing to do. He’s lying on Sousuke’s chest while Sousuke absentmindedly plays with his hair._

_It’s the spring between their third year and Haru’s first year of university. Sousuke heard all about it from Rin, how Haru was accepted into a university with a nationally ranked swim team on recommendation. He’s aiming for the olympics and he’s good enough to make it that far, Sousuke knows that much._

_Sousuke on the other hand, doesn’t have much plans further than working at his uncle’s restaurant while he figures his life out. He wonders if Haru heard from Rin, and why they need Rin as their messenger when they see each other in person often enough._

_Without a hint of interest in his voice, he asks if Sousuke will come with Rin when he visits._

_Sousuke stops running his fingers through Haru’s hair. “I don’t see why I would.”_

_Haru doesn’t say anything and closes his eyes to drift off into a deep sleep, having known the answer before he asked._

-

Sousuke's standing in the middle of his nearly empty living room, trying to figure out how to make it look less depressing when he hears a knock at the door. To his surprise, it's none other than Haruka Nanase standing in front of him. Which is odd, because Sousuke never told him which apartment he lived in. For good reason. 

“Is this a prank,” Sousuke asks as he holds onto the doorknob, unsure of whether or not he’ll have to slam it in front of Haru’s face, should this interaction come to that.

Haru somehow looks even more unamused than usual. “Rin told me to go with you to Makoto’s place so that you don’t get lost.”

That confuses Sousuke even more. Not the part about Rin making Haru fetch him and physically bring somewhere (because that’s exactly the kind of bothersome meddling he expects from Rin) but the part about Haru actually standing in front of his door to do exactly that.

“And you agreed?”

“Of course not. Rin said something about you being lost and alone with a dead phone in a new place and Makoto got worried. Then it was two against one.”

Alright, so a person gets hopelessly lost one or two or five times a month and suddenly they need a babysitter. Part of Sousuke thinks that Rin isn’t even worried about Sousuke getting lost, that he just thinks that Haru and Sousuke spending more than 30 seconds in passing would be funny.

“Well, thanks but no thanks. I can get there on my own.”

“Rin said not to believe you if you say you can get there on your own,” Haru sighs. He looks Sousuke in the eyes for probably the first time since they saw each other a few weeks ago and his dead fish eyes bore into Sousuke’s soul. Sousuke notices how Haru has to tip his head a little upward. It makes him happy. “Look. I think if you want to be stubborn and show up three hours later, that’s fine by me. But you might as well save yourself the time and save me from the grief I would get from Rin and Makoto later.”

At this point, Sousuke had already accepted he would have to make the trek to Makoto’s supervised by Haru but that didn’t mean he was going to be nice about it. “I don’t think you’re afraid of either Makoto or Rin.”

“It’s not fear, it’s annoyance.”

That might be the only thing they agree on, Sousuke thinks to himself.

Sousuke grabs a jacket off one out of two kitchen chairs and then they head out into the evening.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update this time! I started a new job recently so I've been just a tad bit busy. As always, thank you for reading!
> 
> Ch title: Fourth of July by Fall Out Boy


	3. but baby, if you're gonna love me then hurry and love me so i know i'm not leaving/ and baby, if you're gonna hate me then hurry and hate me, say it like you mean it,

In an ideal world, Haru wouldn’t be standing next to his ex on the subway during rush hour to head over to Makoto’s place for their weekly dinners. In the same ideal world, he’d only remember Sousuke’s existence when Rin brings him up in casual conversation and never have to see him again. Not that he’s _bitter_ about what happened between them, no of course not. Him? Bitter? Hardly.

But as it turns out, the world they’re living in is not an ideal world, because they’re doing exactly that right now. Neither of them had ever been much for talking in the first place so the silence wasn’t anything new. From what Haru can tell, Sousuke’s just being silent and brooding, as per usual. They never broke up, necessarily. But they never really got together either. Their arrangement was in some kind of weird nebulous grey area constantly threatened by questions they never voiced about what they were and what they were doing.

From Haru’s perspective, they were together geographically, and then they weren’t. In the ensuing years, they lived their own separate lives. Haru went to school and now he’s training for the Olympics. According to Rin, Sousuke did some soul searching or whatever and helped his mom out with the bills.

And, fast forward two years, here they were. Not quite standing next to each other during evening rush of commuters trying to get home, heading to Makoto’s house.

The subway car lurches forward and Haru loses his balance for a split second before he grabs a handle and steadies himself.

That catches Sousuke's attention. “You alright?”

“Fine, thanks,” Haru answers because he will be damned if Sousuke has to catch him like some kind of Prince Charming in a shoujo manga.

Sousuke shrugs. “Suit yourself.”

If Haru were less exhausted, he might have responded. Instead, he chooses not to say anything. There’s an unsatisfied feeling somewhere in his stomach but he decides to leave it alone.

They couldn’t get to Makoto’s fast enough.

-

_Haru watched Sousuke as Sousuke packed up his backpack after they’d both lost track of time. It was still early enough into the evening to get back without suspicion but Sousuke needed to be at Samezuka before curfew._

_As Haru walks Sousuke to his front door, it occurs to him that they probably wouldn’t be able to meet like this anymore. Whether or not that makes him sad, he’d leave that for his future self to deal with._

_Before leaving, Sousuke pauses at Haru’s front door. He rubbed the back of his neck. “How often will you come back to Iwatobi?”_

_“Not sure. There’s not much left for me here.”_

_The expression on Sousuke’s face was unreadable. He nods, unsurprised by Haru’s answer. “See you around, Nanase.”_

_Haru closes the door behind him, wondering if that was the right answer._

-

When they get to Makoto’s place, Haru greets Asahi and Kisumi quickly and heads to the kitchen.

“How was your exam?” Haru asks as he turns on the oven light to check on the mackerel.

“It went well, I hope. Child development is so hard. Do you think our parents thought this much about raising us?” Makoto asks as he tastes something in a pot. The apron around his neck says “WORLD’S #1 BIG BROTHER,” a gift from Ren and Ran before he moved out.

“My parents let me do my own thing since I was born so I don’t think they thought too hard. Or at all. Your parents loved you so much when you stopped being a child, they had more kids,” replies Haru. That makes Makoto chuckle and Haru relaxes a bit.

And it’s true, every time Haru visits the Tachibanas, he sees that Makoto is well adored. Haru’s parents love him, but he never got the impression that their end goal was being parents. They were free spirits, through and through. Last time he checked, they were somewhere in the Americas. North or South, he wasn’t sure. Maybe he’ll ask next time they call.

They’re silent for a while, moving about and putting the finishing touches together. The kitchen in Makoto’s apartment was cramped (all their kitchens were) but he and Makoto manage to weave around each other the way ballroom dancers seemingly waltz around the dance floor with ease and grace.

"Haru,” Makoto murmurs suddenly in a quiet voice and gives him That Face, the face he makes whenever he’s concerned about something. “I don’t know how tonight’s going to go but if I thought you genuinely didn’t want him here, I wouldn’t have invited him. But if you want to fix things, or at least get closure, you’re going to compromise a little bit.”

And Makoto’s right, because he’s always right when it comes to this kind of stuff.

“You sound like an advice column.”

Makoto smiles at that. “Awww, do you think so? Maybe if this whole teacher thing doesn’t pan out, I have a promising career as an advice columnist. Enjoy my advice while it’s free.”

Shaking his head, Haru counts out four cups and grabs for Makoto’s measuring cup before he catches Makoto’s disapproving look.

“Haru,” Makoto warns.

With a sigh, Haru puts back the measuring cup and grabs a mug. Maybe this is what Makoto meant by...compromise.

-

Haru feels like he’s operating on autopilot, speaking when spoken to, laughing along when he knows he’s supposed to laugh when Asahi describes their grueling practices.

Dinner unfolds like a dream. It could be that he’s had a long day and can barely stay conscious as is, but he feels like he’s watching the conversation from outside the room.

He’ll blame it on an off week.

Off month.

Off two years.

-

They’re on the subway again and Haru is so bone tired he can almost feel his brain melting out of his ears.

“Hey...are you feeling alright?”

Haru looks up at Sousuke and sees...genuine worry on Sousuke’s face? Weird. Haru didn’t think Sousuke could process human emotions, given that he’s probably a cyborg.

“Fine, thanks.”

They’re silent for a minute before Haru realizes that was probably rude and Sousuke was at least trying to be nice. And maybe Makoto was right, if he wants to at least be on non-sniping terms with Sousuke, which he hadn’t decided yet, he would need to be...nice.

“Why do you ask?”

“You barely said a word during dinner. I’m sorry if I made things weird for you. I don’t have to attend next week-”

“That’s...not it,” Haru cuts him off and he doesn’t necessarily want to leave it at that but he doesn’t really know how continue the conversation on without coming off as suspiciously friendly. He’s almost tired of it, the games they play when neither of them emerges as the winner. “Did you have a good time?”

Sousuke smiles to himself. It didn’t even occur to Haru that he missed the way Sousuke smiled.

“Yeah. It was a good night.”

There’s an ache in his chest when he suddenly remembers the way Sousuke’s easy smiles used to make him feel. The way Sousuke tilts his head forward when he snickers. The way he used to graze Sousuke’s jawline with his fingertips.  

They part ways in front of their building.

That night Haru dreams of how Sousuke used to hold his waist and pepper his forehead with kisses softer than he thought possible. And when he wakes, he finds nothing but his loneliness, engulfing the unoccupied space in his twin bed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you for reading! I, uh- I didn't mean to write something a little angsty. It was an accident, I swear. Happy 6th anniversary to Free! 
> 
> Ch Title: Read Your Mind by Tayla Parx ft. DUCKWRTH. 
> 
> Anyway, please stream Julien by Carly Rae Jepsen on Spotify so my girl Carly doesn't have to host fan events at David's Tea again. Thank you and have a nice day.


	4. it's tearin' up my heart when i'm with you / but when we are apart, i feel it too

It’s Friday evening when Haru is on his way home after what feels like a year compressed into a single 24 hour time period. He was, in a word, exhausted. Between practice and actual school, Haru feels like he doesn’t have a spare minute to even breathe sometimes. Really, the only thing that keeps him going throughout the week is the promise of a hot bath. Just a long, one hour soak with absolutely no one disturbing him. It’s the little things in life.

And it’s because he’s so brain dead after a long day that he nearly bumps into a middle-aged woman when she tries to flag him down for directions. He’s about to apologize when she cuts him off, pointing her phone.

“Excuse me, but have you seen this apartment building a little close to here? I’m not familiar with the area,” she holds her phone up to Haru and he recognizes the apartment building immediately as his own.

“Yes, that’s where I live actually. If you’d like, I can walk with you there to make sure you find it,” he offers because he needs more good karma in his life and what’s the harm in leading her to a place he was going to go anyway?

As he’s walking with her, he would’ve never guessed that she was lost just a minute earlier by the way she walked: with her held held high and shoulders back. This was a woman on a mission. With her sense in fashion, she could blend in with the rest of the Tokyoites and no one would be the wiser.

Nothing else really jumps out at Haru until he notices her eye color- not quite blue, not quite green. Somewhere in the middle, the way the two colors meet in the ocean and blend into one.

Haru can only think of one other person with that eye color, but he pushes the thought in the back of his mind.

Must be a coincidence.

As they’re walking to his apartment building, he tries to point out places of interest but there’s not much on the 10 minute walk from the station. There’s the bridge he walks on everyday, overlooking some random body of water that runs through the city. Was it a river? Where does it lead to? He never thought about it until now.

There’s also the park, where children play except that it’s evening so most of them are going home. He runs around the track every morning.

If the woman he’s walking with minds that Haru is, for all intents and purposes, a terrible tour guide, she doesn’t show it. Instead, she smiles warmly at him and makes small talk, asks things him about his life in Tokyo and what he does for fun.

During their conversation, he finds out a few things:

  1. She’s from a tiny town in Tottori Prefecture and this is her first time visiting Tokyo.
  2. She’s here to visit her son.
  3. Her son is around his age.
  4. Her son is studying sports medicine.
  5. His name is Sousuke, and maybe they could be friends seeing as how they’re about the same age and live in the same building? She could give him his number if he wanted-



All the alarm bells are going off in Haru’s head and they’re going RED ALERT! RED ALERT! DEFCON 1, he accidentally met his ex-boyfriend’s mom and she’s trying to set them up to be friends. He can barely manage to continue the conversation with her before he realizes they’re in front of his building and she’s asking him if he’s alright.

“I’m fine, thank you. Will you be alright waiting for your son alone?”

The woman, ostensibly Sousuke’s mother, nods. “Oh yes, thank you so much for your kindness. Please have a good night!”

Haru nods and, as casually as he can muster, bolts it up the stairs. Just two flights, three floors, and he’s home free.

Maybe in a past life, Haru was not a good person. He can’t think of any other reason why karma keeps putting in him in these awkward situations. Granted, his life wasn’t that bad, Maybe he robbed a bank, but a small bank. And gave half his proceeds to charity.

And because his life is probably ruled by Murphy’s Law, he rounds the corner of the first flight of stairs and collides into the person he wants to see least in the world right now.

“I’m sor-” and when they meet eyes, Haru changes his expression to the most neutral he can muster.

Although he thinks it might not be effective, given his pallor and that he literally bounced off Sousuke when they bumped into each other so he had to steady himself on the railing.

And he’s sweating. A lot.

“Sorry that we ever crossed paths.”

As it turns out, Sousuke isn’t impressed with Haru’s quip at all. In fact, he grimaces mixed with pity and concern. Which somehow makes everything much worse.

“Are you alright, Nanase? You’re a little pale. And you’re breathing really hard.”

With his pride at stake, Haru stands up straight.

“I’m fine. Worry about yourself, Yamazaki,” he says coolly. He carefully walks up each and every step because the last thing he needs right now is to trip up these dang stairs. 

That hot bath is now well deserved after the day he’s had, as far as Haru’s concerned.

YAMAZAKI (DON'T PICK UP)

TODAY 11:34PM

Thank you for helping my mom at the station

You really didn’t have to walk her all the way to our building

It was no problem, she’s very kind.

And pretty.

It’s a shame she didn’t pass those genes on to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short update again! There's a lot I want to do with this story that I haven't necessarily had the time to flesh out but who's in a rush? 
> 
> By the way, I'm shocked people are actually reading this. And I know I sound a little cheesy when I thank people but I'm just really excited people are like "yeah, i like what this nerd is putting down." I started this because I thought there wasn't enough fluff in the SouHaru tag. Sometimes you gotta make the content you wanna see in the world. 
> 
> If you read this whole comment, I commend you (I talk a lot...it's reflected in my dialogue...) and thank you!! Until next time :)
> 
> Ch Title: Tearin' Up My Heart - *NSYNC


	5. ain't no more actin', man, that forecast say i should just let me grow / no more red light for me, baby, only green, i gotta go

“I’m hoooooome,” Rin sings as he enters Sousuke’s apartment. It takes him a single sweep across Sousuke’s studio apartment for his expression to drop. With a grimace, he turns to look at Sousuke. “Jesus Christ. You live like this?”

All Sousuke does is roll his eyes and shove Rin further into his apartment. “Yeah, and if you’re staying with me you’re gonna have to live like this for the next 24 hours.”

“That’s ok, I can just stay at Haru’s then. You could too,” Rin suggests and Sousuke can see the light bulb go off in Rin’s head, which only means an upcoming headache for Sousuke.

“Or y’know what else we could do? I could stay at your place, alone,”

“No.”

“And then what you can do,”

“Stop.”

“Is you could stay-”

“Do not finish your thought.”

“At Haru’s apartment!” Rin says, opening his arms and grinning widely. “Actually, strike that. I don’t wanna stay at your place alone. Might be haunted.”

“It is out of respect for your mom and Gou that I don’t kill you right this second.”

“Yeah, whatever,” Rin dismisses Sousuke with a handwave. “You’re so prickly. Honestly, sometimes you’re worse than the heroines in all the shoujo manga Gou made me read.”

“You read all that shoujo manga on your own accord.”

“HEY!” And at first Rin is indignant but then he’s back to excited. “Hey! My mom told me that your mom met-”

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Sousuke says, suddenly interested in straightening up his room and making space to put down the extra futon. On the one hand, putting the extra futon next to Sousuke’s futon means that it’ll be easier to kick Rin in the middle of the night but it also means that he has to smell Rin’s morning breath so he’s stuck between a rock and a hard place.

With a hand on his hip, Rin tilts his head. “You’re really gonna do this to me? You’re gonna keep me out of the loop? I have to hear from my MOM that Haru met the woman who raised you single handedly-”

Sousuke throws up his hands. “I acted like I didn’t know who he was.”

For a second, Rin does nothing but stare at Sousuke, mouth agape until he breaks out into a wide smile and doubled over with laughter. It’s annoying at first, and then strangely endearing.

“Alright well, if you’re done being obnoxious, I’m gonna get ready for bed. I also have an unused toothbrush that you can use and leave here for the next time you’re in Tokyo,” and Sousuke instantly regrets suggesting the idea because of the way Rin’s raising his eyebrows.

“Woooooow, how domestic. What’s Haru gonna think when he sees you have another man’s toothbrush at your place?”

Sousuke rolls his eyes. “This isn’t a bad J-Drama. I’ll tell him that there’s nothing going on between us.”

“Just like how you told him you still have feelings for him?”

“I don’t have feelings for him and you’re an idiot,” Sousuke huffs as he throws a pillow at Rin’s head.

That was his second mistake of the night (his first being letting Rin into his apartment at all) because Rin picks up the pillow and charges at him.

The thing about being friends with Rin Matsuoka is that it is so unbelievably easy to get caught up in his pace. Earlier in the week, Sousuke was bored out of his mind studying for his physics midterm and, fast forward three days, he’s about to suplex Rin through his apartment floor. Hopefully his downstairs neighbors don’t mind the ceiling damage. All 3 floors worth of downstairs neighbors.

A knock at the door snaps Sousuke and Rin out of their wrangling. They look to each other for confirmation before Sousuke realizes Rin’s only been in Tokyo for about five hours, so he’d have no idea why there’s someone at Sousuke’s door.

It’s right about now that Sousuke wishes his apartment door had a peephole because he has no idea who’s on the other side of the door. Gingerly, Sousuke opens the door.

As it turns out, it’s his next door neighbor Hayashi-san. He doesn’t know much about her other than she’s probably in her mid to late forties?

“Good evening, Yamazaki-kun.”

“Hello Hayashi-san. May I ask what brings you here?”

“Well, you see,” and Sousuke has a feeling that’s she’s mad, “it’s a little late and my husband and I were hoping to sleep because we both work early morning shifts,” she says with a smile that tells Sousuke she’s mad mad.

“Ah, but these apartment walls are so thin. I’m glad you and your friend have so much youthful energy but could you please save it for the weekend?”

“Of course, I’m so sorry for the disturbance. You and your husband have a good night.”

“Thank you sweetheart, you too.”

And with that, she’s walking back to her own apartment. Sousuke shuts the door behind her.

Rin sighs and puts his hands behind his head. “Y’know, I was kind of hoping that was Haru.”

“For your information, I have neighbors that aren’t Nanase. Now help me clean up my apartment, our train leaves early tomorrow.”

-

_Why Sousuke’s mom had to bring an entire suitcase when she was only staying for two nights was beyond him. By the time he reaches the third floor, he’s out of breath but he knows he has to keep going because the very first room on this floor is Haru’s._

_“Sou-chan,” his mom says suddenly, “I met the nicest boy today. He’s about your age and he lives in this building. Do you know a Nanase Haruka?”_

_Miraculously, Sousuke doesn’t drops his mom’s luggage down a flight of stairs. No, the only thing that drops is his heart out of his ass._

_“Who?”_

-

They part ways at the station, with Rin agreeing to meet Sousuke after he drops his stuff off at his house.

As Sousuke walks through his old neighborhood, he notes small changes like old roads with new pavement and new businesses springing up. For the most part, the town has stayed exactly the same.

Maybe it’s him that’s different every time he comes back.

He unlocks the front door, not expecting anyone because his mom won’t be back until evening. Also, he just saw her last week so he doesn’t feel the need to see her right away.

Something compels him to dig out old photos he has in an album somewhere in a desk drawer in his room. There’s the usual photos: him and Rin; their relay team; the entire Samezuka team. He shuffles through them, looking for one in particular.

During the course of their not-relationship, Sousuke and Haru have exactly one photo together: it was taken at one of the Samezuka/Iwatobi joint practices. The two of them are standing with some distance between them and neither are looking directly at each other or the camera but he looks happy in this photo. Peaceful, even.

Rin told him once he looks different when he’s in love and Sousuke didn’t know what he meant until he saw this photo.

“Oi, Sousuke, you can’t just leave your front door unlo-”

At the sound of Rin’s voice, Sousuke slams the album shut and immediately regrets it.

“Y’know...I think I caught you at a bad time…”

“I wasn’t jerking off.”

“No yeah, of course not, it’s just that I know you’ve been under a lot of stress…”

“Stop.”

“This is your home and I didn’t mean to interrupt…”

Sousuke doesn’t know what to do other than to start rubbing at his temples. “Can we please just go meet Gou before I throttle you?”

“You sure you don’t want ten to fifteen minutes to yourself first?” Rin says before guffawing and promptly running for his life.

-

While Rin pays his respects at his father’s grave, Sousuke sets up the picnic blanket under a tree for the three of them.

The park is a fairly empty on a Friday afternoon. They always choose this spot, because 1. No one goes there and 2. It’s closest to the cemetery.

It never occurred to him that the two might be related.

As he’s setting down their sandwich making materials, he spots Rin and Gou talking animatedly and walking toward their picnic spot.

Gou looks mostly the same since they were kids. Since high school ended, she cut her hair. Something about wanting to “reinvent herself” in this “next stage of her life.”

“Sousuke-kun! It’s been a while.”

“Hey Gou. How was the train from Kyoto?”

“Don’t worry about it, let’s talk about you instead. How’s it feel living in the same building as Haruka-senpai?”

“Uh…fine? I’m barely home so I don’t see him often.”

“You mean it’s not awkward at all? Not even with the two of you dating in high school and then losing touch?”

“Wait a minute. You knew Nanase and I...dated?” Sousuke asks, the word “dated” sits unnaturally on his tongue.

“Of course we knew. Nagisa and I talked about it all the time,” Gou says, making herself a sandwich.

A tinge of fear shoots up Sousuke’s spine. Were they not careful enough? Did they get spotted and never realize it? If Gou or Nagisa saw them, who else could have seen them?

Thankfully, Gou keeps going. “We knew something was up when Haruka-senpai would leave practice without Makoto-senpai but we didn’t know who he was seeing until one of our joint practices. Rei-kun still doesn’t know, by the way. He’s bad with secrets.”

That only confused Sousuke even more. “We barely even talked to each other during practices.”

“You didn’t have to,” Gou says in between sandwich bites. “The way you looked at one another when the other wasn’t paying attention was enough.”

“Wait a minute, why didn’t you tell me you knew? Where’s the sibling camaraderie?” asks Rin.

Gou shrugs. “It was pretty obvious. Not my fault you don’t have eyes, Onii-chan.”

The Matsuoka siblings bicker while what Gou said echoes in Sousuke’s mind. He wouldn’t believe her or Rin if it weren’t for the fact that there was photographic evidence of it.

Photographic evidence he kept after all these years, hidden and tucked away somewhere in his desk drawer.

“Hey,” Rin says, turning to Sousuke, “what’s next? You gonna pick up where you left off with Haru or what?”

Sousuke makes a face. “My dating life isn’t a priority right now. Whatever Nanase does is his business, I wanna figure out what I want out of my career fir-”

“Don’t be lame, Sousuke-kun. You have the rest of your life to do that. You can only be young and hot for so long. Tell us how you really feel,” says Gou as she cuts him off and eats his untouched chips.

The Matsuoka siblings lean in closer, eyes wide and eager to hear Sousuke bare all.

“I...think about him a non-zero amount of times.”

Cheers. Hoots. Hollers. Sousuke could die right then and there, with the smattering of park-goers looking in their direction.

“Would you both PLEASE shut up?”

Rin starts gently punching Sousuke’s arm. “Keep going, keep going!”

“This is painful.”

“If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to. I think we’ve grilled you enough,” says Gou.

“Thank you.”

The Matsuoka siblings share a look and Sousuke has a feeling this isn’t the end of anything. In fact, it’s probably just the beginning.

-

Dinner at the Matsuoka’s is the same as per usual. Rin and Sousuke sit across from Gou and their mom, while Steve sits off to the side and watches to make sure they’re eating the same time he eats.

“Soooooo,” and Sousuke can feel the question coming as Aunt Miyako drawls. “Do you have a girlfriend yet, Sousuke-kun?”

He chuckles nervously. “No, auntie, not yet.”

He’s had this conversation so many times before he can almost predict what she’s gonna say next. She’ll say something along the lines of it being such a waste that he’s so handsome and do the girls at his school have bad taste? And he’ll have to laugh and say no, it’s just that he’s so busy with school and work that he just doesn’t have the time to date.

Instead, she goes off script.

Instead, she asks: “No boyfriend either?”

And it’s Rin that chokes on his food because Sousuke and Gou are stunned into silence.

While patting Rin’s back, Sousuke offers a weak smile. “No, auntie, no boys for me either. I want to focus on school.”

Aunt Miyako holds a cup of tea with both hands up to her lips. “That’s good too, sweetie. Education is important.”

Whether or not she catches the look shared between her two children and Sousuke, none of them know.

-

After dinner, once Rin and Sousuke have said their goodbyes, they immediately retreat to Rin’s bedroom and speak in hushed tones.

“Does your mom know I’m gay?” Sousuke asks.

“Of course not. I would never tell her without consulting you.”

“Does she know you’re gay? Would she care?”

“I don’t think she knows but she wouldn’t care. That woman is obsessed with me. Do you see how she has newspaper clippings and article printouts of me? She learned how to use a printer just to make a scrapbook of everything ever written about me.”

“It’s because she loves you, you idiot.”

The door to Rin’s bedroom slides open and Gou quietly slides it closed. She leans in to whisper with the both of them. “What’re we whispering about?”

Rin makes a frustrated “tch” sound and Sousuke realizes he hasn’t heard that in a very long time. It almost makes him nostalgic.

“Go away, this is a private conversation. And who said you could go into my room?”

Suddenly, Gou raises her voice, “Mom, Onii-chan wants to tell you som-”

“Fine, fine!” says Rin as he clasps a hand over her mouth. “Just keep it down. Do you know why mom asked about Sousuke?”

“Because she’s nosy, why else? It runs in the family. Just look at yourself.”

“I’m going to kill you, you know that’s not what I’m asking.”

“I don’t know how she knows. Or if she knows, because I never know what she’s thinking.” She turns to Sousuke. “Any ideas, Sousuke-kun?”

Sousuke shrugs.

“Maybe my mom mentioned it?”

It wasn’t so much that Sousuke was upset. In fact, shocked would be an apt word to describe how he’s feeling. Aunt Miyako is relatively calm and easy-going, in direct contrast to her two children.

Almost simultaneously, Gou and Rin lean back to process that realization.

“For what it’s worth, I think she’ll be supportive. She’s a big believer in loving who you love no matter what,” Gou offers as consolation.

Rin nods. “Losing your husband at a young age will do that to you.”

The whirring of Rin’s ceiling fan is the only noise while the three of them contemplate. It’s balmy outside, even with all of Rin’s windows wide open. Sousuke makes a mental note to get Aunt Miyako something nice for Mother’s Day.

-

Real life starts again once Sousuke and Rin make their way back to Tokyo and Rin leaves for Australia the same night.

It’s another Monday morning when Sousuke exits his apartment building, rounds the corner, and-

Of course. Who else could it be but Nanase Haruka?

At this point, Sousuke’s sure he did something bad in a past life. Or maybe his current life. He walks at a cautious distance away from Haru to make it seem like he’s not following Haru, which he technically isn’t because it just so happens they left at the same time after their daily runs and-

Suddenly, Haru stops and turns around to look Sousuke dead in the eye.

“Are you…”

“I’m not following you,” says Sousuke a little too fast, a little too indignantly.

“...on your way to the station?” Haru finishes.

And of course Haru can’t even spare him the embarrassment because he’s got this god awful smirk on his face that Sousuke wants to wipe off. With his lips, but that’s beside the fact.

“Yes, I am. You?” Haru nods and looks at him expectantly.

Once Sousuke catches up to Haru, they start walking side-by-side.

“How was visiting home?” asks Haru casually.

“Good,” Sousuke answers, because it was good and Sousuke could be civil for a little bit. “What uh, what’d you do this weekend?”

“I visited an aquarium.”

“Oh, nice. With Makoto?”

“I have friends other than Makoto.”

“So who’d you visit the aquarium with?”

“Makoto.”

In spite of himself, Sousuke catches himself stifling a chuckle.

“That was a laugh,” Haru says.

“It definitely wasn’t, because you’re not funny.”

“If I’m not funny, why’d you laugh at my joke?”

“I didn’t-” and Sousuke’s mouth muscles betray him because he breaks out into a smile. 

“Whatever helps you sleep at night, Yamazaki,” Haru shrugs with a smile that mirrors Sousuke’s.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes while writing I'm like: "Can y'all just tell each other how you feel? Who's responsibility is that?" and then I realize, technically, it's mine.
> 
> As always, thank you for reading, giving kudos, commenting, etc etc!!
> 
> Ch title: c7osure (you like) by Lil Nas X


	6. you can't shut me out / if i don't let you in

“Haru?” Makoto calls from Haru’s doorway.

“In the bathroom,” Haru yells in response.

All it takes is one glance at Makoto’s hand on his hip and disappointed face for Haru to know he’s about to get scolded.

“Haru, you can’t just leave your front door unlocked. This isn’t Iwatobi. Someone could’ve easily walked in.”

“But it’s just you.”

In response to that, Makoto sighs and sits at the edge of the tub. “How was practice?”

Haru leans his head against the cool tile of his bathroom walls. “My times are stagnating. I haven’t been improving for weeks.”

Makoto doesn’t say anything, only looks at Haru pensively.

“Do you remember, in our 2nd year of high school, right before Rin came back, when you said you wanted to be ordinary?”

“Don’t remind me of dumb stuff I said as a teenager when you thought Pangea still existed.”

Makoto huffs impatiently. “I was going somewhere with this.” He sighs again. “As I was saying, you used to say things like ‘by the time you’re 20 you’re an ordinary person.’ But you’ll never be ordinary, Haru. And maybe it feels like you’re stagnating because you haven’t improved time wise but I’m sure you’ve improved in ways you haven’t realized. Your hard work will pay off eventually. It always does.”

“Hey Makoto?”

“Yeah?”

“I love you.”

“I love you too,” Makoto says with a warm smile.

There’s a quiet moment between them before Makoto stands up and holds out his hand.

“Let’s prep dinner, Haru-chan.”

And partly out of nostalgia, partly out to follow their script, Haru tells Makoto to drop the “-chan.”

-

“The universe is out to get me,” Haru tells Asahi one day as they’re eating lunch in their cafeteria. He splits his chopsticks open and takes a bite of the school’s mackerel udon, the only stable good thing going on in his life right now.

With a determined finger gun, Asahi says, “That’s not true! Just because your ex just so happens to move into your same exact apartment building out of all the hundreds of apartment buildings in Tokyo, you run at the same park almost everyday because of the whole ‘living in the same building’, and you accidentally met his mom...oh wait. You’re right, maybe the universe is out to get you.”

Slowly, Haru nods, realizing his predicament might be worse than he thought.

“At least you hardly see him because of the gnarly practice schedule coach has us doing. Can you believe it? I have to carve out time just to see Kisumi and we go to the same school!”

“Do you go to his club events?”

“Yes, because I’m a good boyfriend and I love him and support him in all his endeavors. I would move mountains for that boy. And as you know, he goes to our swim meets to see me because he’s also a good boyfriend.”

And in spite of the fact that Haru thinks Asahi and Kisumi are annoyingly and grossly in love, he smiles anyway because he likes seeing his friend so happy. They make it look easy, almost.

Haru briefly wonders what it would look like to try and fit spending time with Sousuke back into his schedule and decides that it would probably be too much work for the both of them. Things were better this way.

Yeah. Things are better this way.

“You mean Kisumi doesn’t go to our meets to see me?” Haru jokes because he doesn’t want that at all and everyone, including Kisumi, knows that.

“I mean, you’re like a bonus I guess. Like the cherry on top of an ice cream sundae. I’m the sundae, of course. You’re the cherry.”

Haru rolls his eyes. “I got that.”

That makes Asahi laugh. 

“Hey, Sousuke was cool that one night he joined us for dinner! I mean you were quiet that night but you’re quiet most nights. When’s he gonna join us again?” 

“Ask him yourself,” Haru shrugs, feigning indifference.

Asahi continues, as if Haru didn't say anything: “Haru. You gotta think about what you really want. Not just in your personal life, but your professional life too.”

Advice from Asahi out of mostly nowhere?...Were they transported to an alternate universe?...

“You’re making a face. Ah!” Asahi practically jumps out of his seat when he checks his phone. “I’m late to class! Gotta go Haru, bye! Love you! See you at practice!”

Just like that, Asahi runs out of the cafeteria with his backpack, leaving Haru to finally eat his mackerel udon in peace.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi again! As always, thanks for reading. Short, Sousuke-less update this time as I dust off old misc scenes and try to figure out how I wanna end this fic. Please bear with me as I try to figure out how to balance romantic development between these characters while not neglecting their important platonic relationships. Until next time!
> 
> Ch Title: Get Over You by Wealstarr ft. Ji Nilsson


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